Growing up the eldest son of a genuine horse trader (my Mom), I’ve accumulated a wealth of stories surrounding horses and horse people. Some are funny (at least in retrospect), and some are touching or poignant. Some of these stories are even true. Well, mostly true. Some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty, and to compensate for my failing memory. I certainly wouldn’t guarantee the historical accuracy of anything I say or write.
Cowboy Rules
March 19th, 2009
My brother Kirk lives in Texas. A true cowboy, if such a thing exists anywhere today. He sent me an email with the following “Cowboy Rules.” I’ve seen them – you probably have too. They were originally written for Texas, but I believe they apply to people everywhere, if you can define ‘The Wild West’ more as a place in the heart rather than a geographic region. Kirk agrees. What do you think?
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.
3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way..
4. They are cattle…. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go. (note – for us in Michigan, make that I-96, US-23, and I-75).
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. (November 15th for us in Michigan)
10. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age.
11... No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. (OK, you might find a ‘vegetarian special’ in Michigan. Fine – just try not to look so condescending at the rest of us when we order steaks and burgers)
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah. . We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat. IT AIN’T REAL CHILE !!
13... You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. (Lets not even mention our pro football team in MI)
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1! (AMEN to that, brother)
Boarding Farm Comparison Page Introduced
February 27th, 2009
As promised, I’ve started a page for comparing boarding facilities in the mid-Michigan area. Only two entries so far, but I hope to expand the listings with reviews, ratings, pictures, etc. Let me know if there is a farm you think should be mentioned.
The Price of Board
February 17th, 2009
Some friends have asked us board their 3 horses for about a month while they pull up stakes and move out of state. Naturally, we agreed to do it, but had to figure out something reasonable to charge. Because it is a short-term arrangement and it is for some friends, I’m basically only asking them to pay for the feed their horses will eat, but decided to do a little research into what others are charging these days. Boy, was I surprised.
So – as a service to readers, I’m going to publish some boarding rates and contact information to make it easier to find someone to board your horse at a reasonable rate – or as reasonable as exists these days. Coming Soon – the boarding farm comparison page. If you have any suggestions for inclusions on this page, leave them here as a comment and I’ll check them out.
Michigan Winter Hard on the Horses, Too
January 23rd, 2009
Our 4-H leader just forwarded to us an alert from the Michigan State University’s College of Veterinary Medicine. The report mentions that MSU Veterinary Teaching Hospitalis seeing an increase in the number of animals suffering with starvation and
exposure-related problems. It goes on to say that a visual-only inspection of horses with winter coats is insufficient – you have to use your hands. The following is an excerpt:
Body condition score- The body condition scoring (BCS) system is based
on a 1 through 9 scale and is designed to assess a horse’s overall
condition. Horses with a BCS less than a 4 are at increased risk of
hypothermia and starvation, especially when the weather conditions
cause an increase in energy demands just to maintain weight. If an
individual is already thinner than desired (BCS < 4), they will not
have adequate body mass (fat) to help with insulation from the cold or
provide a supply of energy when the diet is lacking and demands are
high
er than expected.
To determine your horse’s BCS you must touch your horse, especially in
the winter, as winter hair hides a horse’s true BCS, often until it is
too late to successfully correct the weight loss. Feel over the ribs,
neck, shoulder area, mid-spine, hips and tail head. If your horse’s
ribs over the widest part of the barrel are easily felt with little or
no tissue between the skin and ribs, the BCS is below 4. This horse is
suffering from malnutrition and is at a high risk of hypothermia when
the temperature drops, particularly if the wind chill is high and
little to no shelter is available.
The article also discusses the nutritional needs of horses in cold weather. Basically, more of everything to help ensure that the horse has enough calories to for normal activity plus keep warm. Fresh water at all times is essential. More information can be found at www.extension.org.
Horses in Michigan Winter.
January 20th, 2009
Ah, Winter in Michigan. Such a lovely season. I love riding in the freshly fallen snow. Of course, that’s something I haven’t been able to do since I broke my foot in November. But the Doctor says I can start putting weight on my foot, so hopefully it won’t be long before I’m back in the saddle. Hey – I even drove my own tractor the other day – something else I haven’t been able to do because of the clutch. So things are looking up.
My kids don’t like having horses in Michigan in the winter time nearly as much as I do. That’s because this year it has been up to them to drag the water hoses in and out of the basement so they won’t freeze between filling the water troughs. And chipping the ice out of the troughs when Georgie unplugs the heaters. And feeding and grooming them in sub-zero temperatures.
Well, I did all that when I was a kid, and look how well I turned out. Wait – never mind. Let’s just say that Michigan Winters help kids build character, and leave it at that.
The Great Rodeo Trainers
December 11th, 2008
My Brother Matt’s problems with goats began when he was just three years old. We raised nubians, and when one of the nannies gave birth, Matt seemed to enjoy chasing it around with a stick. Not actually beating it, mind you – just terrorizing it. We made him stop, but that goat had a longer memory than the we had.
About a year later, when Matthew was four and beginning to spend more time in the barn doing chores with the rest of us, he walked by that same goat, now fully grown and sporting a fully developed set of horns. Not realizing what was about to happen, I watched “Gertrude” as she watched Matthew approach. When he was right next to her, she reared straight up on her hind legs, where she poised ever so briefly – just long enough for Matt to register what was happening. Alas, not long enough for him to get out of the way. Matt found himself on the receiving end of the hardest head-butt I have ever seen, which drove him straight to the ground on his rear. Once my brothers and I ascertained that he was not out cold, we all expressed our deepest sympathy for his pain – by rolling on the ground and laughing hysterically. Psychiatrists might point out this episode as having something to do with the way Matthew is today, but hey, what do they know.
Moving forward in time two more years, Matt is only six, but I’m 18 and my friends and I consider ourselves rough, tough cowboys. We’ve ridden broncs in the local rodeos. We run riding stables where “city slickers” try to prove they can ride, but we like to show them what real riding is like. We crack bull whips in ways that would have put Indiana Jones to shame, except “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was still two years in the future. In short, we aren’t scared of anything or anyone – except my Mom. Naturally, Matthew looks up to us, and announces that he wants to become a rodeo star.
That weekend we had over a thousand bales of hay to put up, so I invited my best friend Tim over to do some trail riding. When he arrived early Saturday morning ready to ride, I explained to him that we just had a few bales of hay to pick up and stack in the barn first. It shouldn’t take too long, and then we can go riding. The next afternoon when we finished up, there was hay stacked in both side lofts of our old hay barn, and in the center on the floor was a stack that reached all the way to the ceiling. I said “Well, that didn’t take too long now, did it?” Tim, being the good humored sort that he is, refrained from beating the tar out of me just then – barely. Read more…
Falling
November 29th, 2008
As the son of parents who bought, sold, traded, and trained horses, I had plenty of opportunities to learn the proper way to fall. Naturally, some of these were counter-examples. Some time pursuing a rodeo career added immensely to my ability to fall with grace and style. Since my rodeo experiences weren’t very financially rewarding, at least they were educational, and the better I got at falling, the better the entertainment I provided the spectators.
So why is it that all this falling experience didn’t prevent me from breaking my foot Thanksgiving Day? I slipped off the snow-covered roof while replacing bulbs in Christmas lights. Even doing my best “crumple and roll” didn’t completely save me. I sit here now in my easy chair with my elevated foot in a cast, contemplating the surgery the Doctors say I’ll need to repair the Lis-Franc fracture. And do you want to know the worst thing about it? The entertainment value was completely wasted, as there was nobody around to see it.
Horses Have a Sense of Humor
November 17th, 2008
a Horse with a Sense of Humor
In every herd, there seems to be one horse with more personality than its herd-mates – a horse that seems to stand above the rest in terms of intelligence and sense of humor.
The best example of a horse with a sense of humor was Thunder, AKA Houdini. Thunder was a horse from my childhood, who was a trickster and an escape artist. He holds the record for the best practical joke played by a horse, but he has a contender vying for that honor.
We now have a horse on the farm named Georgie (pictured). He’s a handsome Tennessee Walker, and like Thunder, he seems to have the uncanny ability to let himself out of his stall, the barn, and even the pasture. He also fancies himself a bit of a jokester. Read more…
When I say Whoa, I Mean Whoa!
November 11th, 2008
When I was a youngster, my parents were good friends with another couple active in the horse circles. They ran the local horse auction every Saturday night. Gene was a truck driver, rodeo rider, horse shoer, and a trainer. He also was and still is a consummate story teller.
Disclaimer: I can’t swear that the following tale is true. I’m relaying it here the way I heard it, and within the same context. I tell it strictly for entertainment purposes, and specifically do not recommend or advocate the training method employed in the story.
I was about 16 years old, and Gene had contracted to break and train a horse. He frequently did this, and usually boarded the horse with us for the training period. He knew we would take good care of the horse. He cut my Mom in for some of the proceeds of the contract. And he usually put me on the horse after a few days of ground-work. “Uncle” Gene was one of my childhood heroes. In exchange for helping him train horses, I could earn a few dollars and, more importantly, reap the benefits of his vast wisdom and remarkable tales.
As we finished up the day’s session with a young bay mare who was displaying some difficulty learning to stop on cue, I asked him how he planned to deal with her in the next few weeks. He said, “Well, we’ll be patient. She’ll get the hang of it. She’s young, and hasn’t really developed any bad habits, yet.”
“OK, but what if she had? What if she was already trained, but didn’t have any brakes? How would you correct her?”
Gene grew pensive for a few moments, then, as if he’d come to a decision, he started. “Let me tell you, son, about one I got just like that one time. This one was a black gelding, but like you said, didn’t have no brakes. I tried a hackamore. That didn’t work. I tried all different kinds of bits. He would work OK at a walk, but ’soon as you got him into a canter or a run, he’d just run off with you and not stop ’til he got to the barn.” A grin spread across his face as he said, “I finally managed to break him, though.” Read more…
The Earps. The Clantons. And Doc Holliday.
November 9th, 2008
During our trip to Arizona this past spring (see pictures), the visit to Tombstone inspired in me a
